smile.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Hate is a strong word.
So mostly I feel sorry for them, but I can't help but hate them a little. You know the people that you just wish would contract an STD, or get hit by a bus and injured, but not killed, so that they could learn a life lesson of humility or kindness or something. But I'm trying to let go... because Hate is a strong word, as my auntie says, but APATHY is stronger than hate.
People who are despicable are not worth hating. I just need to keep reminding myself of this. no need to vent and obsess over people who are terrible contributions to society. So I'm rambling at 3 in the morning to sooth my nerves. When something makes you sad or angry, don't look for a culprit and point a finger. It just doesn't make you feel better.
Instead it just brews inside of you like poison. My grandmother thrives on hate. The list changes weekly or monthly, depending on the most recent dramatic family affair. I love my grandma, we are very much alike and I'm both proud and afraid of our connection. One of her terrible traits (which I have too) is that when she likes you, she loves you, and when she dislikes you, she will destroy you.
I often find myself defending those she verbally bashes during our day long conversations. I keep trying to remind her that her energy isn't worth all of the effort she puts towards harping on these people. But I should take my own advice. Like I said, it's poison... and I'm only writing to calm my nerves. I need to rewind and look and what it does to me: makes me a negative person and fills part of my day with anger, frustration, resentment, malice, and shame.
No more haters! No more hating!! No more brewing.... life is too short, et c'est toujours vrai: "la vie est belle." and also, ask yourself "est-ce qu'il vaut la peine?"
goodnight gurnal smile smile.
People who are despicable are not worth hating. I just need to keep reminding myself of this. no need to vent and obsess over people who are terrible contributions to society. So I'm rambling at 3 in the morning to sooth my nerves. When something makes you sad or angry, don't look for a culprit and point a finger. It just doesn't make you feel better.
Instead it just brews inside of you like poison. My grandmother thrives on hate. The list changes weekly or monthly, depending on the most recent dramatic family affair. I love my grandma, we are very much alike and I'm both proud and afraid of our connection. One of her terrible traits (which I have too) is that when she likes you, she loves you, and when she dislikes you, she will destroy you.
I often find myself defending those she verbally bashes during our day long conversations. I keep trying to remind her that her energy isn't worth all of the effort she puts towards harping on these people. But I should take my own advice. Like I said, it's poison... and I'm only writing to calm my nerves. I need to rewind and look and what it does to me: makes me a negative person and fills part of my day with anger, frustration, resentment, malice, and shame.
No more haters! No more hating!! No more brewing.... life is too short, et c'est toujours vrai: "la vie est belle." and also, ask yourself "est-ce qu'il vaut la peine?"
goodnight gurnal smile smile.
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